I wish I could explain the feeling I get when I step my feet into a grave yard. Its a feeling of peace and sadness.

When I see small grave markers I mourn for the child and say a prayer for the parents, no matter how old they are. Sometimes, I see a grave marker and feel the need to pray for the deceased family members.

There is a Moravian church one block from my apartment. I have always wanted to take pictures of it. Especially when its grounds are covered with snow. I never get a chance to fully explore so while Kara was with her dad, I explored and took a few pictures. I also never knew there was a graveyard on the grounds.

Dreamng

I love them and I hate them.

Dreams have always made me nervous. When I say dreams, I'm talking about the ones you see when you sleep, not the goals you have in life.

Since I was a little girl, I have always had vivid dreams. Once, I had a dream about an alligator eating my foot off. That dream was while my new kitten was chewing on my feet. Another dream was about snakes falling out of the ceiling while I was sleeping. Turns out a bag fell off my shelf while I was sleeping. That seemed so real I made my daddy (stepdad) check my bedroom before I went back in there. My mom's favorite dream is the one I had about my best friend's eye being stabbed out and chasing me. That was in my early 20's and my mom had to shake me to wake me.

Another thing I don't like about my dreams are some parts of them actually happen. I'm not sure if everyone's do, too. One example of a dream is when I was younger. My parents were going through a seperation. My dad wasn't happy about it and was always threatening my mom. In one of my dreams, I dreamt a man with black gloves was choking my mom. Weeks later my dad shows up at my mom's work to talk to her. She wouldn't agree with him. He pushed her against a brick wall and started choking her while wearing his black leather gloves. SCARY!
A second example, I had a dream my step grandpa and my stepdad was sitting near a fountain in Heaven. My stepdad had passed away at this time and his dad was very sick. The next day, my mom called me to let me know he passed away. Whether that was meant to give me peace about my stepdad being in heaven, I'm not sure. It made me believe that I will see both of them again one day.

I have more examples, but if I told all of them I would be blogging all night long.

Now, I am having dreams again. I'm watching the events in my life unfold in real life. It's making me anxious. It's a good dream involving a good person. However, I'm not sure, if I'm ready or even if it's going to happen like my dreams have been going.

I used to go to church with a lady who was a firm believer in dreams and thier meanings. She always said dreams are God's way of preparing us. You can chose to believe me or call me crazy. One person who used to be in my life used to call me stupid. He was part of one of my dreams that came true. I have a brown hair blue eyed little girl to prove it. I have always known I would have Kara before she was conceived.

I'm not saying all my dreams come true. Just some of them. I think its wierd that they do and Im hoping Im not the only one who has them.

Happy Easter

As long as I can remember I have always loved Easter. Easter Sunday always seemed different than any other day. The air smelled sweeter.

As a child, I always knew about the Easter Bunny and the real Easter story. Although, I never grew up in a Christian home, my mom was sure to share the resurrection story with my brother and me.

We always went to church Easter Sunday with my great-grandma and my grandma always went to a local church in Asheboro to see an Easter play. We went most years and enjoyed it.

My mom never put more focus on the secular view or the Christian view of the holiday. It was and always has been our choice on what we wanted.

When I was a teenager (1995), Easter became even more important to me. That was the first SundayI stepped foot in a church since my great-grandmother passed away a year before. A man and a lady from the bus ministry at church came by house inviting my brother and me to church. I was hesitant in going at first. I didn't get a chance to meet the people that came by the house. My step-dad talked me into going saying I would have a good time. He was right (as always). I started going to church every service possible. This family took me and my brother under thier wing. It was 3 months later, I accepted Jesus as my Savior and began to serve Him.

Easter will always be a key part in my life. It was one of my major turning points in life to get my to the place I am to.

Extreme Couponing or Not

I thought I would give the whole couponing game a try. I did fairly well at Harris Teeter. I made one mistake though and didn't realize it until I got home and looked at my reciept. They had Vlasic Pickle Spears or stackers for BOGO. I grabbed 2 jars of the only thing they had left which were the mini snackers. It didn't matter because I only paid $1.89 vs $2.99 for that jar using a .55 coupon (which doubled). I didn't need many groceries but what I needed was on sale. I spent $26.59 for $52.17 worth of food. Food Lion was a little stressful. Its hard to concentrate with Kara wanting everything. I did decent there. They also had the Vlasic pickles BOGO. The difference was every kind of pickle (including relish was part of the deal). They had blinkies, also. After the markdown of one jar of pickles to .79 and using my .75 coupon, I only paid .4 for a jar of pickles. My total spent at Food Lion using coupons and MVP prices was $42.01 from $63.68. What I saved was a start. The more I learn and get used to using coupons I hope my totals go down. I don't think I will ever be like those people I see on TV. I cant imagine having to push around 3 carts and taking hours to check out. I would be stressed.

Dogwoods

I love Dogwood Trees. My love of those trees came from my Great Grandma Granny. She had at least five of them in her backyard. Every year she would tell the great grandkids the symbolism of those trees.

The flower is shaped like the cross. The flowering in the middle represents the crown that was placed on Jesus's head. The red dots on the petals represent the blood that was shed. The cross was made from the wood from the Dogwood Tree.

Every year, when the flowers bloom, I can hear my great-grandmother tell me that story. That is the only legacy she left with me. I wanted to learn how to quilt and can vegetables. By the time, I was old enough to learn she was getting too sick to teach me.

Wee Kitchen: Rainbow Cupcakes

Wee Kitchen: Rainbow Cupcakes: "Anyone who knows me knows how much I love rainbows. I think it started when I was young and enthralled with the movie The Wizard of Oz..."

I have seen a rainbow cake. I never thought of making Rainbow cupcakes. My kids in Children's Church are going to love these!

I cannot wait to get into the kitchen this weekend and start baking.

Babies, Babies, Babies

I have babies on my brain. I like to think its because nearly everyone I know recently had a baby or is expecting a baby.

Really, the real reason is I was thinking about my pregnancy and I really didn't experience the excitement. I was excited about Kara. I didn't show it because I had no one to share the excitement with. We lived in a small place and Kara didn't have a room for a nursery. Her room didn't come until after she was 3 weeks old and we moved. I didn't get my chance to plan out a nursery.

Besides my mom I had no one go look at clothes, cribs, strollers, etc. with. I don't know if its because her dad didn't really care. I researched everything on my own and picked out things. I bought her crib by myself and even fought getting it in my car alone. Because of the lack of space, I couldn't put the crib together. It just sat against the wall in my office.

I went to doctor appointments alone. I had to go twice a week for non stress tests, I didn't care if anyone tagged along. It would have been nice to have my partner with me when I had my ultrasounds to check her growth.

I have always wanted to have two children. Now more than ever so I can re-experience the excitment of life growing inside of me.